My Past. My Love. My 1st Girlfriend And History.

My History.
HISTORY
8 days after my break up and i'm still broading over it...
Finally i've really decided to give up
Theres no point talking to someone who wont listen
Who wont trust you.

Who thinks of you negative points more than your positive
And lies and cheats and pretends.
I've enough.
Talked to her this morning wanted to meet but dint.
Was afraid i did hurt her or something
But i stayed calm.
To care about her was the wrong decision.
I HATE HOROSCOPES.
Too accurate. Hiaz. Oh wells.
Anyways.Thats enough... The past it the past its time to move on
I dont care what happens anymore.
I dont wanna care anymore..
I dont wanna be alone either..
Give me a reason to live.
A reason to make this life meaningful
Be optimistic.Not pessimistic.
Its your life you decide the way you want to live it
Every minute of sadness you spend living your life..
Is a minute of happines that you can spend that
YOU WILL NEVER GET BACK.

Work today was kinda boring.
Actually it kinda depends on who you working with
But got to admit the place there is very nice la.
the supervisor let me go off early. =x
Shhhh secret
Soo good x]
Den as usual i go down to lan to watch people play.
So boring Bugis all noobs -.-
Occasionally.RARELY you'll see pros.
Den i came home.
Special thanks to ALISON.
For helping me get through this hard and difficult time.
And keeping me loads of company.

empty spaces fill me up with holes.
distant faces with no place left to go.
without you within me i can`t find no rest.
where i`m going is anybody`s guess.

voices tell me i should carry on.
but i am swimming in an ocean all alone.
baby, my baby,
it`s written on your face.
you still wonder if we made a big mistake..

i don`t mean to drag it on,
but i can`t seem to let you go,
i don`t wanna make you face this world alone.
i wanna let you go, alone..

i`ve tried to go on like i never knew you,
i`m awake but my world is half asleep.
i pray for this heart to be unbroken,
but without you all i`m going to be is,
INCOMPLETE..


Get evidence b4 you accuse INNOCENT people of things they dint do
Look at yourself in the mirror b4 you start commenting about others.
Dont discriminate, but encourage.
Life is short Treasure it.
Another day has passed.
A day less to live.
OVER AND DONE.
In life when one makes mistakes he learns
and moves on.


Met maureen in the morning at 7+
WOKE at 5+
met zhiwei at 9-10+
talked to her
felt so happy yet so sad.
i don't want to let go..
i just want to hug her and not let her go.
but why am i still doing this
I'm supposed to let go...
crap i hate myself.

AFTER.

went to play lan in the morning
went to work in the evening.
god work was so fucking fun lols
darn -.- i just want to go work again.
Hiaz.. but i know life is going to be harsher on me.
Because i know i would try to forget.
i want to distract myself.
i want to love someone..
i want all good
i want a good job
i want a good future.
i want a good girlfriend.
i want someone.
actually..
i want her back but time will tell
i believe for now its just testing out if true love still exists.
i hate all bad.
i hate liars.
i hate cheats.
i hate smokers.
i hate uncivilised people
i hate assholes which think they know alot
i hate bias people.
i hate people who think they're great when they're not
i hate "gangsters"
i hate myself most of all.

but i love those who love and care for me
those are the people I'll sacrifice my life even for them.
i love someone still
but I'm not going to let anyone know.

HOW STUPID I'VE BEEN.
How stupid I've been to believe what shes been saying
I don't care anymore about what shes said
too many lies.
Why.
I don't want to know the answer.
I'll work hard. for myself.
I'll find someone better den her.
Yes its true shes fucking selfish
I don't really care anymore actually
I'm finally free.
I don't like being alone.
But yes i know what I've to do with life
When you lied to me time and again .
You should have just told me the truth.
That's what i only wanted to hear.
Thanks for telling me about your friends also
I realised how much they mean to you and how much
I mean to you
Thanks for telling me all of these.
I know I'm a drop out
I know I've been stupid since young.
But i know what i want to do with my future.
I've told you my plans
Too bad.
I'm going to clear all of these.
There are better people out there.
YOU'RE JUST ONE OF THE WORSE.
BECAUSE.
YOU CHEATED ON ME
YOU LIED TO ME.
YOU HURT ME
YOU MADE USE OF ME
Thanks for the MEMORIES.
They'll be forgotten.
My heart wont be deceived by your lies anymore
You don't even deserve me as a friend or your FRIENDS as friends.
All these lies.
For yourself your OWN SELFISH SELF
You'll sacrifice everything else.
so be it.
I've realised it so I'll move on .
and remember you for being someone who is NOT PURE.
And considerate at all.
All the fake smiles and words yes its time for the harsh reality
but I'll face it
GUYS/ GALS .
IN LIFE SOMETIMES THE BEST THING TO DO IS GIVE UP.
LIES WONT GET YOU ANYWHERE
IT'LL ONLY HURT YOU SO DAM BAD.
THANKS FOR NOTHING

TALKED TO HER
Hiaz.talked to her on MSN
shes still the same.
she wont give me that chance.
for now i understand.
But she said in the future THERE MIGHT be a chance.
so yes
I'll persist. I know its possible.
I love her more than anything.
hahas. Thank you god.
Thank you for bringing us together
What ever i do now is for myself her us.
ILY. Don't you know?

JOBS
Today went for 2 job interviews .
The food outlet i knew were "despo" for workers
Lols after a few hours after i "applied"
they called me already.
kinda weird and cool.
Guess I'm wanted.
Hmmm.. Hiaz.. I cant stop thinking about her now.
My life is going to be so different now.
Thank you darling.
thank you. For waking me up
I'll pursue my dreams .
My goals. And I'll make it through .
*crys*
I'm now an emotionless EMO Ravey.
ILY,INY,IMY,IWY more than anything in the world.
you're priceless.
My biggest mistake in my life is letting you go.
I really want you back..
I'll work hard.
TML WORK SHIFT AT BUGIS 6PM STARTING.
I'M DOING THIS FOR MYSELF . for her...
zhi wei . I really want you back i miss you dearly .
i love you , Deep in my heart its still bleeding .
Its a wound only your love can heal.
Take care readers. Will post again laters.

Everytime i go online i'm afraid that i'll see an email from you
But i know no matter what you send me i'll be sad/happy.
It shows you still care.Even while trying not to and forget
I know you will read my blog.
If you dont i dont know what to say.
this is what i'm doing for you . For us. For myself.
I've changed so much even i dont recogonise myself.
I want you to know that too .
I want you back , I want a 2nd chance again.

MORE MEMORIES.Painfull.
at lan now... My msn.. Displays her name as ILY,IMY,INY,IWY.
I super miss those days.
feel like crying again.
But i wont give up
This is only a test of how strong i can get and be.
I love you my darling no matter what you say.
The day i know you're no longer mine is the day
you or I leave this planet and moves on to the next.
I'll persist
I'll need another chance.
I need you..

JOBS
Just went to bugis looking for jobs. Applied for one in a Kitchen and 1 CD shop.
Dont remember what the names of the shops are called but i know where they are
lols.STUPIDITY.
Just doing this for money...
She messaged me this morning.
Actually just wishing me luck.
I know she read my blog.
I asked her too.
I'm feeling better already.
Very emotionless.Cant feel anything
But at home she just keeps appearing and stuff.
I cant help it.
Decided to go lan to chill.
While walking from CITY HALL to Dobhy.
there were 2 lost "tourist"
Helped walk them to the MRT Station.
Prespiring like mad.
But i hope that my good deeds will be looked upon god.
And god will than give me another chance.
Give her another chance.
Give us another chance.
At lan now.. I still miss you loads.
Stop lying to Yourself.
But I dont blame you. I'm doing the same.
But i still want you back. I really want you back...
ILY,IMY,IWY,INY
take care of yourself.. My life is no longer as important as before
i've got nothing to protect.

LIFE NOW
Good morning everyone.... Its now 8.40A.M. Could not sleep well.
Guess its that way isn't it. 108 days of being with her.
Probably need 108 days to get over her.
But getting over her is not giving up on her.
Why am i such an idiot.
Absence makes the heart grow founder.
I really miss you loads. Don't you know?
i don't believe you really gave me up.
You're just trying to forget me.
I'm trying to be a different person.
I see life with in a different way already.
That i need to thank you.
But i also want you to be here in my life as my GIRLFRIEND again.
life is not the same without you i swear.
You know I'm a loner
you know i still love you.
I'll keep my promises.
You are shy. I'm shy too.
But I'm willing to voice my opinions and tell you
you're just going to hide again.
Yes it might be selfish to me. It is actually selfish
But i don't really care. You can cut of my legs so i cant find you.
But I'll write letters to you. Or post things online
You can cut of my hands. But my eyes will still find you.
you can dig out my eyes.But my Heart will still beat for you
That's how much I'll sacrifice for you.
Even my life.
For you put meaning in my life and gave me a goal.
Now I'm going to work towards that goal.
I love you.
Take care of yourself. Remember to eat your food.
Grow strong. Get smart. Get better.
I'll be waiting for you my dearest in my heart.
I love you.
Will try harder. Will become stronger.
Achieve whats best for you and I. Thats my love to you from afar.
I love you. Truely , Madly , Deeply.
ILY,IWY,INY,IMY.

Memories
Now supposed to sleep. Don't think i can do so already
My heart misses her loads.
Was just thinking about what she said in the past.
sacrificing.She said she loved me till she don't mind dying for me.
i still believes she still loves me
she said forever.
i believe that she still loves me.
she said lets be friends.
i believe that she still loves me.
i believe we still can be together just have to wait.
i believe that she still loves me.
Cas that's the only thing i wanna do.
Even if she tells me no.
I'm sorry if this is hard for you.
But I don't want to regret my life doing something
So whatever i do. Its with you in my mind and heart.
I'll try to sleep now. good nights everyone.

4++ MY DREAM OF YOU.
Had another dream of you again.
We were sitting in the same cab after school.
Somehow we were going to my grandmothers place to send
Her to see the doctors.
In the cab i asked you if its still possible
after you graduate and stuff.
you told me see how
Now i feel it definitely motivation.
I'll wait for you.
Than i lost you..4.36 am.
I love you.

I'm going back to sleep hope to see you in my dreams again soon.
If I'm going to live my life dreaming of you.
So be it. I wont regret it.

11.11PM
Finally finishing my blog.
She messaged me.
I'm so shocked.
but its also a sign of forgiveness.
Jeremy is a bit fidgety.
But i don't blame him.
I feel unsure about myself.
but i know i wont regret my decision.
I'm still sad.
I'm still Angry with myself.
But now its not about how i feel anymore.
Its about how I'm going to deal with this.
For the future.
for our future.
I'll work hard. And persevere!
GAMBATEH.
LIFE IS GOING TO BE TIME COSTING.
And tiring.
ITS ALL FOR HER. its all for her. Keep her in My mind.
life is hard when you have to work for something you know its hard to achieve
This is my love.
My love to you
My way of expressing my love to you. While away from you.
Till that day comes again. I'll do my best.

16TH OF JUNE
4 days after our break up.
You'll never know how much i love you. Today is the 16/6/08 and I dreamed of you sleeping next to me last night whispering to me you love me . It must be motivation for me to start achieving the goals i promised you. Its now 8am I'm going to work at Eunos. I'll save and go to army and earn money.And when you decide at the age of 21 whether you want me back. I believe you still love me, but you gave me up for some reasons. I don't blame you . But i am grateful for you giving my this chance to realise what i want in my life. While at work . I dint have much mood to work . So i ended early at 1 + and went to bugis to collect something for my friend Charmaine. But i was so fking irritated that the fucking blogspot girl that's supposed to meet me dint turn up. I felt as though that girl was a cheater. Was thinking about how you are. My colleague told me at this age not to get into a serious relationship yet. so yes I'll wait. I want you back. Feeling so Moody and Sad. Don't feel like doing anything. Just reached home. I'm going back to bugis tmr to apply for a full time job Hope I'll get it.

ZW darling ZW my precious.
I love you.
I'll keep my promises.
so i hope you'll reconsider me when you're free.
i believe there's hope.
you know and i know its possible
you want the best for me and i know that too
i feel only for you I'll only love one person for my life
thats my moral I'm dedicating this blog to you
ILY,IWY,INY,IMY.

a theory for love.

“A few days ago, Sunny and I go into a MRT train. I told her to sit on the chair in front of me, so that we can see each other. But after we sit, many people come in at Raffles Place MRT Station. Then they block my view. I cannot see Sunny anymore. Then at Jurong East MRT Station, all the people go away from the train, and we see each other again. Then Sunny come to me and said ‘See? You’ll just have to wait for me. That’s what true love is all about. Just imagine those passengers as obstacles in our love: They may be blocking us, but I know you’re just in front of me. Nothing on earth can stop our love, okay? If you cannot see me, just wait for me, okay?’."

I'll wait for you. I promise.