I dont know whats happeneing to me.

I don't know whats happening to me.

Seriously

I feel anger.
I feel frustrated.
I feel tired at the same time.
I feel so stupid and life so meaningless.
So fucked up la.
I'm like living to someones Else's goals.
I don't seem to have a life or any goals of my own and wishes.
I don't know what am i seeing or visioning.
Because it seems like a dream and yet its seems soo real i can differcientate

Life is like so mixed up i cant tell whats real or not.

My dreams my reality.
My dreams seem to correspond to my reality.
It happens sooner or later.
MY dreams are like what Jeremy says.
Its like I'm dreaming what he says.
But only the evil thoughts i don't do.
There are cases of kidnap and rape that i "dream" about but i don't commit them.
Its really scary and stuff.
I need a " doctor"
But i hate doctors.
I need someone to talk to but theres no one.
I'm so lost.
I don't want to talk to anyone else .
I don't want to scare them or anything.
No one cares.
No one is willing to listen or understand.
I'm alone I'm scared I don't know anymore.
I so lost. Lost in between evil and intentions to kill.
Life without meaning makes a person go mad.
I don't wanna be insane.
All the more with this Hurricane whirling inside of me.
I feel all the more unstable.
My mind is like at a war with its self.
Time and again i don't know what to do.
I wanna just break down and cry.
But that wont change anything .
I can cry my life away and than what?
I wanna move on with life but I'm just stuck here.
I'm occupying myself with work.
But i realised that work itself wont do anything.
even if i haven my materialistic wants and needs its not going to change me much.
I'm stuck.
I don't know where to start.
When i wanna go study. I remember that I've registered for my NS so I'm stuck again.
I need to wait for my NS to end b4 I'm really "free"
Shit this man.
For this now I'm really like a Deep rooted tree which is hollow and can be blow off anytime.
With termites biting and eating me up.
Shitty really shitty. I really need someone to talk to.